The beginning of a fine mess…

My husband and I celebrated 16 years of marriage in May 2018 and 21 years as a couple 2 months later; well we didn’t do anything to celebrate actually which was quite normal for us as he prefers spending money on cars than anything else!  Though to be fair, we bought a new house together late last year so all our money was being ploughed into building work, decorating and new purchases.  I’d hoped that we would pour our love into our new home, make plans for our future in it and so on.  But, and this only dawned on me later, while I was busy buying up the Victorian antiques section of Ebay and nesting in our new home, which I absolutely love, my husband was not feeling the love for our home as much as me.  Meanwhile, my hormones were starting to play havoc with my wellbeing.  The dreaded peri-menopause has been knocking at my door for about a year, upsetting my menstrual cycle no end, though I can’t say I felt overly influenced by it emotionally until the last few months.

When we first started staying weekends at the house, before moving in permanently in August, I felt like a teenager unleashed from her parents, probably due to the protracted period during which we lived with my Mother at her house.  We were happy there at first but as time wore on we realised we needed our own space again.  Living there had done very little for our sex life or our sense of coupledom and building a life together so moving back into our own place was indeed liberating.  We had better sex than we’d had for a few years and all seemed to be going well.  I should say that my estranged husband has continued to work and spend weekdays in our former town, 2 1/2 hours drive away, returning at weekends, so you could say our marriage had already changed quite a lot from the one we’d had several years ago when we lived in the same house all the time, sharing bills and domestic chores etc and talking every day in person rather than on the phone.

Then all of sudden one day, a man I’d known through work for 3 years and I started flirting more intensely than we ever had before.  So much so that by mid-June I was in such a spin that I didn’t know my arse from my elbow!  I admit I enjoyed the attention and it was great to feel so saucy.  I really wanted him!  This coincided with a period of hot summer weather and some crazy moon energy.  I had started to feel physically strong and powerful and my revised yoga routine and a renewed interest in running left me feeling physically high.

I have always been monogamous, except when I was a randy teen experimenting with my sexuality and looking for love in all the wrong places ;-).  Since then, amongst my many relationships, I’ve had  2 where I was monogamous but the guys were already with someone else;  I guess you’d call them affairs.  I ended up living with one of them when his lady threw him out and whilst we lived together as partners for just 3 years, until I met my husband, he remains one of my best friends and I love him dearly.

So, one night in June I came home from work desperate to speak to someone about how hot I’d become under the collar and my husband returned early so I didn’t get the chance to speak to a girly chum but spoke to him instead; he was my best friend after all :-).  I would never have an affair behind my husband’s back but was gagging for sex with flirty work guy so something had to be done before I wore out my fingers!  Something about the heat and our increased sex drives meant that my husband, the local government officer (LGO) of my website title, and I could talk about the possibility of sleeping with other people, which we’d never discussed before.  I’d searched on Netflix for a suitable programme and found You, Me, Her, about polyamory, which was great, and he watched quite a few episodes with me.  This helped fuel our discussions, though it wasn’t what we were looking for particularly, and at first LGO agreed to me sleeping with other women (how like a typical male fantasy!) but I managed to extend that to other men fairly quickly as that had been the whole purpose of the exercise, but he didn’t know I had someone in mind at this point ;-).  After much discussion we realised that what we were talking about was the freedom of an open marriage, which would need careful consideration and planning.  I would not do anything knowingly to jeopardise my marriage so it was really important to set suitable ground rules and boundaries to ensure we were both happy with the situation…

 

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