Yesterday when my lover was leaving to have a meal with his wife and in-laws, I asked him how he could do that to me (i.e. experience the great sex we’d just shared), just before going out with them? He said ‘compartmentalise I guess’. It got me thinking about the differences between men and women so I thought I’d share my thoughts with you.
I am a woman in love with a married man. I am apparently tucked away in a compartment of his making, probably labelled ‘hot casual sex’ or something simliar. No doubt when he leaves my house and heads towards his dinner date with the family, he flies out of my compartment and into the one occupied by family commitments. He is a man and doesn’t show any difficulty in managing this.
I am a woman and I find it bizarre that it is possible to neatly tuck part of your life into a box and think it won’t affect the other areas of life. This is naive and limiting in my opinion. It is sad that the marvellous flow of life, which women inherently just get, is stifled by a psychological pecadillo in men. I also struggle to understand how it is possible to live part of your life completely out of relation with other aspects of life.
It is my understanding that life is flow. Think of the way that emotional energy flows into and out of us; how physical energy flows in and out as we experience periods of physical power then tiredness during the day; how mental energy can be strong one moment then exhausted the next; the way that universal energy flows into us and out of us like electricity powering an appliance. We just need to flick that switch: It is the one that allows us to flow with love, power and energy at any given time.
So, why would you deliberately compartmentalise? It is clearly a psychological thing, check out your search engine to see how it affects people, often men (!). I think in some ways it is indicative of the male energy of force as opposed to the feminine energy of form. If you think of form in nature, there are no straight lines, only wavy flowy curves. That’s Mother Nature for you :-). Straight lines are found in boxes and when I think of a compartment, I think of a box. All straight harsh lines with hard barriers, not flowing in a natural feminine way. No wonder then that men are prone to compartmentalise. They may well be hard wired to do so, according to how much masculine and how much feminine energy they manifest.
So I got to thinking about T (my lover) and me in my compartment. If it is T’s perception that I am in a compartment, then I am completely separate from the rest of his life. This does provide a certain amount of freedom. In other words, if I am sitting in that box alone, visited by him, then his wife and family, working life, social life etc, cannot enter my compartment without my permission. So, that means we can be whomever we wish to be within my compartment. T is free to express himself fully without fear that his wife will discover what he is up to with me. I am free to be who I wish to be within the context of T and our relationship. All should be well. I just have to convince T that this is the case!
Of course, I have an understanding that everything happening within my compartment is affecting other aspects of my life and if he would only accept it, for him too. But T doesn’t need to know that does he? It’ll just confuse him, poor chap. Shhhh 😉
Love & light